I understand that I am on that drake tip right now but Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Some things have to be said and some problems have to be solved. So here we go.
.Many people will agree that nothing hurts as much as the discovery of a partner’s affair. An affair doesn’t have to close the curtains in a relationship. In fact, it can be a new beginning of reevaluation and fresh impetus. It can bring a couple closer than ever. One important thing is that you should only be ready to forgive when you are sure you really love your partner and can’t do without him or her. If the cheating has broken you to a point of no return, don’t forgive just because they are begging.
There serious are things to watch out for along the way if you are ready to forgive and want a healthy, lasting relationship post-infidelity. Here are tips for couples who are trying to pull through from infidelity on one partner’s side;
1. Understand the reality of this affair.
The fact and issue is it happened and with the facts you have (make sure you are not just suspecting things, be sure)…and once you both know the truth, the next thing is to understand what really matters. What really happened?
If she did have sex with him, that is really difficult to get over, but it can be done if it isn’t a behavioral pattern. The rule of thumb with affairs is this: if it happens once, you can get over it. If it happens twice or more, it’s a pattern, and you can’t get over it because it will happen again….so what do you do?
2. Make a decision about your partner’s character.
If you believe that your partner is fundamentally untrustworthy, and will continue romping off even after forgiving her several times, move on. You will always feel like you’re settling and they will feel like they can never prove herself.
However, if you believe that your partner made this one mistake, but overall you know him or her to be a person of integrity and someone you can trust, then embrace the person you know her to be. Set aside the mind-chatter about what they did with the other person and return to your previous mindset of who they are — a person you can trust and love.
Guard your thoughts and feelings about them and never let yourself doubt them again. Your love and trust will lift them up and they will shine.
3. Take responsibility for your side of this.
You didn’t cause their behavior, but affairs are often a symptom of underlying issues in the relationship that have not been addressed.
Look hard in the mirror and ask yourself what, if anything, you may have done or not done that contributed to them seeking intimacy with another person. If you can work on your side of the fence, it will only strengthen your relationship going forward.
And one very strong emotion you will use and need is love.
Does your partner love you all through this and is willing to fight for this love and earn your trust again? Do you still love them yourself and still hurt because of that love? Love concurs all. Mend things if you can, or move on if you just can’t forgive.